What is 'Cool'?

An obsession over being 'popular' and 'cool' has cause terminal insanity, depression, and suicide. What do you think when you read that? At first, it sounds ridiculous to me. Everyone likes to believe that they are untouched by peer pressure, cliques, and the pressure of fitting in. But if I think about it again, it's totally conceivable. Honestly, I am seriously affected by it all, but I try not to be. Though cliques in our grade are very prominent and defined, most people pretend that they don't exist when confronted with the idea. The popularity situation in our grade takes up a lot of my time and thoughts, and I know I'm not alone in this position.

I've talked to a few other people who share similar feelings about this. Some of us come to school stressing about whether we'll be able to sit with the cool kids at lunch that day, or whether we'll be casually edged out of the circle again. Then we wonder who we can sit with if we aren't accepted there. If anyone actually reads this, they will totally know exactly what I'm talking about, but most people still wouldn't admit it to their friends. Well, someone's got to address the problem, and since I've only got three more weeks of dealing with it, I'm comfortable talking about this on behalf of the people who are being excluded.

Last year, I admit, I tried a little bit too hard to be 'cool'. It was my first year, and I wanted to make friends, so obviously they were the first group I looked to. Why not? The popular people always seem to have the most fun, are super attractive, are the center of attention, and never have a dull moment. I wanted to feel included, like I was a part of a special group of friends with a tight bond, that I could be friends with forever. It's natural to want to be a part of something like that. I got labeled almost immediately as 'the person who tries too hard', and apparently that's some horrible sin.

What I really don't understand, is why cliques are so necessary. It's different than just groups of friends. The groups are exclusive, and I know from personal experience as I've tried for basically two whole years to officially join a group of friends and have been unsuccessful. When people in my situation (there are a few) are simply trying to make friends, they get caught between the two different cliques. We might think we're basically accepted now, but then we don't get invited to a sleepover or a party, and we have to deal with being left out of inside jokes and funny stories about it on Monday morning - not so fun. So why don't people just hang out with whoever they want?

We worry about boundaries and getting labeled, like I did when I tried going down that path. We worry that other people will start to dislike us, and insult us because of it. Everyday I'm left wondering what to do at SOS, because as soon as that clock reads 11:00, the friends who I had been laughing and hanging out with moments ago race out the door. They run to meet up with the rest of their group, leaving me behind and wondering, "Is it okay to follow them, or is that trying too hard?" I don't want to have to try to be someone I'm not, cooler than I am, for my friends. But in a small school like this, there's not many other people to turn to.

So what are we supposed to do? Well, I say, we make friends with who we actually want to be friends with. Screw the boundaries; go for it!

Comment of the Week!

SOOOOO, I commented on, once again, Olivia's blog (surprise!) because she's just so darn good and I always feel compelled to share my thoughts and appreciation with her.

HEY IMMA COMMENT! IMMA COMMENT! OUHAHAHEHA.

Best Two Years of my Life.

As I enter the hallways of Middle School, people turn to see me, happily. I stride briskly over the cleat-streaked blue floors towards my closest friends, who smile and greet me pleasantly. Lauren and I bond over last night's epic episode of Glee... Bianca rambles on about how boring her weekend was... Olivia excitedly informs me of the progress of our group video project... Cassie talks briefly of Justin Bieber's performance on Oprah, or maybe breaks into song. Greeting the rest of my close friends quickly, before the warning bell rings, we scramble to make our polo shirts appear to be tucked in. I think to myself, I am so lucky to be here.

Last year, I hated this school. I hated SJK with a fiery passion and I hoped desperately for a sunny opportunity to get out of here. From the atrociously boring uniforms, that seem to resemble an old librarian with no love life, to the difficulty of fitting in, to having to continuously sit and stand (and sit and stand and sit and stand..) on Fridays from 1:40 to 2:15, being forcibly enrolled at SJK seemed like a death sentence.

After spending basically an entire year trying to make the right friends, I was told that I wouldn't be returning in Grade Nine due to nonnegotiable curriculum changes. As Mr. Carswell broke the news of the release of the Grade Nine drama program, I was dazed. To most people, this was an annoying inconvenience, resulting in an overly full Art class and no easily gained marks from playing Drama games in class. To me, that thirty seconds involved the past two years flashing before my eyes (I know it's melodramatic - now you see my problem) as I realize that without a doubt, I would not be returning to this school, and the friends that I have grown to truly love, next year.

I think about all the things that I hated about SJK initially and in some cases, still haven't come to like- things like Evensong, "C.O.O.L." Conferences, the need to tuck in our polo shirts, Wyatt, and exams. Honestly, I probably won't miss them too much. But looking back on the majority of the year, I know I had a lot of fun. I will always remember the days spent taking photo booth pictures in French with Alex, colouring plastic babies, googling pictures of cakes and sharing an extreme interest in some of my favourite things, Glee and Justin Bieber, with everyone. The real turning point for me, when I really fell in love with SJK, was sitting on the dock, at sunset, playing guitar, at Tanamakoon. We listened to Reid play Wonderwall, by Oasis, and the enthusiastic voices of my friends singing along. I remember wishing that I could stay on that dock forever.

I honestly don't know where the year has gone. Memories of the first day of Grade Eight seem so strong. I can clearly remember screaming and hugging my friends whom I'd missed so much over the summer, and fussing over Olivia's killer new bangs. Now, as exams are approaching rapidly and the thought of graduation - leaving all this behind - makes me cry every time I think about it. As my friends anxiously await the night of the Graduation ceremony, and of course, the dance, I inwardly try to suppress my sorrow and the worry of missing my friends after I've gone. They get excited about Upper School, while I wish desperately for time to just slow down. Maybe even for it to rewind, bringing me back to sitting on that dock at Tanamakoon. But time won't give me a break. They will continue on, but I'm leaving for good, and I really don't want to. I just wish I had more time here, time to make more memories.


P.S. Wyatt I was totally kidding about not liking you. You know I love ya buddy.

Comment of the Week!

I commented on Alex's great new post comparing iTunes and LimeWire.

Comment, comment, comment, comment, I am a comment, Read meeee. COMMENT.

B-B-Bucket List

Skydiving. It's what everyone automatically thinks of as something they want to do before they die. But really, what's the point of that? If I knew I was going to die soon, I would probably think more.. rebellious. Who ever would've considered just thinking about what nobody else thinks about? Skydiving is such a common idea. I would defy the odds in a different way... firstly, by sliding down all the railings on the escalators in an airport. That's right, you heard me. Who else would think of that?

Wouldn't it be positively delightful to gab with the Queen whilst enjoying some tea and scones? We would partake in brilliant conversations, bonding over the fact that we will both be dying in the very near future. Naturally I would have to add this to my Bucket List.

Now of course, we're going to have to include something in my future life about my one true love, Justin Bieber. How could we not? First of all, I would obviously like to go on a date with him. I think it's a perfectly reasonable and exciting goal for me- and I've always wanted to. I could also throw in Bucket List items four and five, being related. I love to sing, though I lack any kind of professional talent. If I could have a chance to work with Justin, to hear his voice over and over, and to hear our voices together... It would be an incredible experience. And to top it off, we would kiss - under the stars. My current goal is that Justin will be my first kiss, but at this rate (We haven't even met yet. But we will), I really don't care about when the kiss is, as long as it happens. And it happens under the stars. Though I wouldn't complain if he kissed me anywhere else. ;)

When you're in an elevator full of strangers, I bet you don't talk to them or ask them about their lives. And why not? Sometimes when I'm in that situation, I honestly like to say 'hi' and introduce myself. One day, I want to meet everyone in a similar situation and even get to know them enough to exchange email addresses or Facebook, if they're nice. Because once again, why not?

One of the most common things people in Canada do before they die is become a licensed driver. I would love to learn to drive of course. Preferably at the normal age of 16, rather than "before I die". But my main interest on that note is getting the actual car... I want a convertible. I want a cherry red Mercedes CLK 500 convertible, and I will do whatever it takes to be behind the wheel of that beautiful car in my lifetime.

Join me on my Bucket List journey, because it'll be fun. It will be out of the ordinary. We'll go mattress sliding down stairs instead of skydiving, I just hope I live long enough to live my life to the fullest.

Comment of the Week!

I commented on Cassie's wonderful blog.

Hi, I'm a comment, come read me!

Judgement

Judgement. You're meeting someone for the very first time and you want to get to know them a little better. You look down and analyze his tattered skinny jeans and dirty Converse sneakers, then up and evaluate the grease-stained t-shirt and black baseball cap. Automatically, you categorize this new acquaintance as a delinquent teenager. He must be the kind of kid who cares little about anyone besides himself and his friends, who vandalizes public property and fails school because he doesn't care enough to try. Already, you have become biased in your opinion of him and lose interest in becoming acquainted. Unfortunately, you may have just written off the smartest, nicest kid in the country and you would never have a chance to find out.

Judging people, particularly based on clothes, hairstyles, or just looks in general, is a devious trap that almost everyone falls into easily, including myself. After attending a school with uniforms, I've come to appreciate them a lot more than I thought I might before. Uniforms help to eliminate the initial bias and judgement, so I can get to know someone based on personality. I might become friends with someone who's into punk music, scary things and black clothing, although if I saw them walking through the mall in their all-black outfit, I would steer clear. Why wouldn't I? It seems like we'd have nothing in common and could never possibly be friends, based on her outfit. She probably thinks I am an average preppy girl, who dreams in cartoon and who seems to have skipped out of a Disney movie, because of my jewelry, pink headband and 'I <3 JUSTIN BIEBER' shirt. The situation is completely altered.

I totally believe that we should express ourselves and embrace our differences, but through our actions, not our shoes.